Don't Run Away - From Erotica!
by Xen Kenshin
Summary: Because writing a nonsensical, crack-like sub-series to the canon and fanon plot line is an amazing way to keep the idea mill rolling. And awkward sexual positions -innuendo!- just make everything more hilarious. INSPIRED AND EDITED BY SERAPH OMEGA. WRITTEN AND LAUGHED AT BY XEN KENSHIN. Here's hoping you laugh, too !
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Run Away - "Pair Them Anyway"**

_A series of drabbles focused on X being paired with the various females of both the Gods Eater Burst Storyline and Don't Run Away submitted OCs. Don't want your female OC paired up with X? You'd better tell me know. Don't want your male OCs paired up with X?_

_Too bad. I need something to laugh at. Kidding, kidding. If you don't want you OC paired up with X in this TOTALLY NON-CANON PARODY OF A FAN FICTION just let me know via PM or review, and I will not use your character. _

_And if you're upset, amused or just plain confused as to why I'd write something like this...blame SeraphOmega! He's my editor and influence for this compilation of...whatever is to come. No lemons, though, as per the new Terms of Agreement of fan fiction. BUT DON'T LET THAT STOP YOUR IMAGINATION._

_Disclaimer: Xen Kenshin neither promotes nor suggests that you imagine various romantic or sexual situations between the various characters of this fandom and/or fanfiction. But if you choose to do so, it is of your own free will and takes place in your dirty, dirty, beautiful mind._

_Besides, I'm doing it FOR you, duh! I'm open to suggestions!_

**May or may not contain homosexuality, bestiality and tentacles... and three/four/five/six/twenty-somes. **

**Chapter One – Two Loose Canons Make For A Lot Of Cross Fire**

_Takes place around the time of chapter 15/16, when X is recovering after the Vajra attack. The scene is shortly after Kanon visits him while he is hospitalized._

X stared at the pink haired girl as she droned on and on about how he and Licca would make such a wonderful pair.

"And can you imagine how cute your children would be?!" She squealed. "They'd have your hair color and Licca's brown eyes! Not to mention they'd be both super smart and super strong!"

X felt his eyebrow twitch; she'd been going on for half an hour now and X had yet to hear Kanon inhale a second time. Now she was speaking about offspring.?

"And- and- oooh, they'd look so cute if one wore Licca's goggles and the other one wore your sunglasses – what's wrong, X?"

X had sat up in bed and began scratching at his arm cast. "Get this off of me." He grumbled, his finger nails peeling away at the bandages and plaster.

"Bu-but X," Kanon stared at how ferociously he attacked the cast. "You're still-"

"I said get it off of me!" X roared, thrusting his arm towards Kanon. She yelped in surprise and stuck out her now shaking hands. "I'm s-sorry! Right a-away!"X fidgeted as Kanon undid the tattered cast. X flexed his arm and fingers, sighing in relief.

"Wow," Kanon watched. "You said you wouldn't be healed until tomorrow- X, what are you doing!" Kanon moved back in her chair as X ripped the bed sheets off of him. He began scratching at the cast on his leg.

"This one, too!" He fiddled with the metal clips but his anxious hands would not obey him. "Get this one, too!" He yelled at Kanon again. The girl squeaked and stood up, making her way to the foot of his bed in two strides. She bent over and began undoing the cast.

X watched her as she worked, and a sudden urge began to overpower him. With a raised eyebrow, he watched the way Kanon's hips swayed back and forth as she was bent over. A sudden interest overtook the Private, and he extended a hand towards-

"Done!" Kanon let out a small huff. "That cast was on really tight – eep!" She spun around quickly and stared at X's extended hand. She held her backside and felt her face heat up. "X!"

"You felt that?" X asked, his voice amazed.

"O-of course I would!" Kanon complained, still feeling the sting of his pinch. "Wh-what was all that abo-" Kanon's voice trailed off as she noticed that X wasn't wearing pants, because of the cast on his legs. She also noticed that his boxers resembled a tent – and a very _erect _one at that. She looked between X's face and his southern region with an incredulous expression painted on her now pink face.

"I don't know what you're trying to do..." Kanon tried to sound brave but she was hardly fooling herself.

"Neither do I..." X admitted in a sad tone. He stared at the hand he used to pinch Kanon's rear.

Surprised by his response, Kanon lowered her guard. "Is-isn't obvi- ah!" She had only blinked and X had gone from lying down in bed to being directly in front of her. She stared into his empty and glossy eyes for a moment before the Private wrapped his arms around her waist. She let out another yelp when she felt both of his palms cup against her backside.

"But I think..." X's voice was low and sensual. "We can think of something..."

Kanon placed her hands on X's chest and tried to push him away.

"X! This isn't like you!" Kanon protested. "You wouldn't do -" Kanon's face only became redder as X bit down on her ear lobe. She felt a small tingle travel down her spine, and as much as her brain told her to fight it, her body wasn't listening to orders.

"I wouldn't." X asked, pressing himself against Kanon. She let out another squeak as she felt a particular warmth brush against her leg. "But you would."

Kanon opened her eyes, unaware of when she closed them, and stared at X. "N-no I wouldn't." She felt her breath catching in her throat as X nipped her earlobe again. Kanon felt her arms and legs go numb as X let out a warm breath on her neck. Actually, her arms were -

"Really?" X gave a bit of a chuckle. "Then why are your hands on my-"

Kanon looked down, and her eyes widened. "Oh no!" She managed to regain control of herself and pushed X backwards. He let out a short lived yell, and grabbed Kanon by the arm. He fell back first onto the bed, and looked up at Kanon.

"Kanon..." He blinked a few times. "What are we going to do on the bed?" X's voice was monotone again as he surveyed himself. "And why aren't my boxers on right?" Kanon, who was over X on her hands and knees, let out a small moan. X froze up as he felt Kanon shift her weight on top of him. "Wait... what's going on?!" He tried to sit up

Kanon placed her palms on X's shoulders and forced him to lie flat down. "Now you've done it." X instantly recognized the change in her voice that occurred during missions. No longer was she the timid, caring Kanon that everyone learned to love and avoid her gun. This Kanon, X gulped, was the terrifying Kanon that enjoyed dominating Aragami.

And men, apparently.

"Kanon," X began, trying to rationalize to the woman undoing her trousers. "Whatever it-" Kanon slapped X across the face.

"You talk when I tell you to." Kanon barked. "And why did you go down?"

"You slapped me, dammit." X grumbled. "I didn't have much health to begin with..."

"That's _not _what I meant!" Kanon dropped her lower half onto X's. "You get a girl excited and can't even deliver?"

X grabbed Kanon by the waist and lifted her off of him. He stared down to his now flat boxers. "That was fast..." He let out a groan as Kanon now sat on his stomach. He couldn't help but notice that her underwear matched her hair color.

"Whatever it was you were feeling had better come back, because I am not leaving until I get my fill!" Kanon grabbed X by the neck and pulled him close. X hardly got time to inhale before she delivered him a crushing kiss. X felt his stomach go weak and his head go light – then that urge slowly started to come back.

"There we go!" Kanon now reclined her hips onto X's. "Now we're getting somewhere."

X managed to free an arm and reached for Kanon's green jacket. "You won't be needing this." He wore a greedy smirk as his tone turned seductive.

With a seductive smirk of her own, Kanon reached down for X's white button up shirt. "And you won't be needing this..."

_Several minutes later..._

"But you do need serious help." Kanon muttered as she buttoned up her jacket.

"I...I don't under stand..." X, his once seductive voice sounded like he was almost crying. "That shouldn't have happened!"

"Big bad X," Kanon complained further. "Can stand up to a Vajra on his own, but can't stand up to a woman?"

"It's these damn drugs!" X pointed to the bag of medication near his bed. "Sure you ripped out the syringe and gave me a nipple piercing, but the drug in my system control my blood flow! No flow, no go!" X looked down at his left pectoral muscle. "Ow, by the way!"

Kanon scoffed. "Whatever. You made me push back my weaker half for nothing." She crossed her arms and huffed. "And to think I may have actually wanted to do it with you."

X sat up, placing his hand on Kanon's shoulder. "Wait, don't-" He let out a grunt and felt light headed. "What the...damn it, it happened again!" His seductive voice was gone, but his monotone hadn't returned either. He was angry, and his voice showed it. "And damn it, Kanon, sadist or not, you can't just go and start sticking things into people!"

"Says you!" Kanon shouted. Or at least, tried to shout. Her voice was just over its normal decibel. "You're the one who – oh, I'm back." X let go of Kanon's shoulder and rolled off of the bed. He peeked over the side at Kanon, who looked at him curiously. She then shook her head, remembering what had happened and pointed at him.

"You monster!" Kanon grabbed a pillow and threw it at X. It hit him in the face, and he fell backwards and hit his head on the wall. "Do you know what you were trying to do?!"

"Says you!" X rubbed his swollen head, his eyes looking at the other swollen head. "You're just as guilty as I am!"

"I can't control myself sometimes!" Kanon shot back.

"I was drugged!" X countered. "That automatically makes you the monster!"

They carried on like this for sometime before agreeing to see Dr. Sakaki in the morning. Kanon retreated to her room for the night, and X stayed in the infirmary. However...he couldn't sleep well, as the bed had been bent out of shape by...their aggressive behavior.

* * *

_The next morning_

"That's a rather interesting tale." Sakai used his coat to wipe the steam off of his glasses. "And...how did it end, again?"

"Whatever caused that feeling I had just... stopped." X spoke in monotone. Not once had he risked a look at Kanon who sat on the couch on the opposite side of the room. He wasn't risking another encounter like what transpired last night. Definitely not while in Sakaki's presence.

"And then X's pee-pee went Zzzzz..." Kanon's brilliant summary caused X to face-palm.

Sakaki nodded, a slight smile on his face. "Stop laughing at me, dammit!" X muttered to himself.

"All men experience it at least once in their life time..." Sakaki consoled X.

"Even you?" X asked, hopeful. His hopes were dashed as Sakai burst into hysteric laughter. After a few moments, Sakaki collected himself and cleared his throat.

"Oh, you were serious?" Sakaki coughed. "No. No. No ho ho! Dear God Eaters, no. Not even once- not even the slightest. Nope. Never. Maybe this one – no, wait, that was a sock. Nope."

"I get it." X seethed with rage.

"A sock?" Kanon mimed, slightly scared.

"Moving on!" Sakaki pointed to the screen coming down from his ceiling with his pointer. "After some analysis, this is what I found!"

X's mouth gaped open. "Why do you have a human body outline with my hairstyle?"

"It would seem that Private X07's Oracle Cells are mutating." Sakaki ignored X's question. "While this isn't unprecedented, it is indeed a rather surprising development. As the P57 Bias Factors has been stabilized and tested in a multitude of God Eaters, it's safe to assume that whatever is causing the mutation applies only to X. Judging by his age, and by his...actions, I'd hypothesize that the mutation is little more than a hormonal imbalance in his libido. This whole thing should blow over in about a week, no more than a month."

Kanon held her head, looking dazed. "What? I get the week til he cools off part, but..."

"In other words, and forgive my wordplay," Sakaki's grin did not hold a hint of remorse. "The Private's privates are 'X'-ceptionally full of...oracle cells, and his body is seeking a way to release its...Impulse Edge."

X stood up with a loud yell. He stomped to the door and didn't wait for it to open automatically. He pushed the door open and walked out into he hallway.

"I think you hurt his feelings, doctor..." Kanon whispered as she stared at the door.

"I'm sure I didn't." Sakaki adjusted his glasses. "Men tend to act that way when they have backed up-"

"Shut it, Doc!" X's distant voice came from behind the door.

"Let's just say...aggression." Sakaki delivered with a witty smirk.

* * *

_And that's all for this chapter! I don't plan on a single one of these chapters being longer than fifteen pages at most. Leave a review if you'd like!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't Run Away - "Pair Them Anyway"**

_You thought I'd stop there? Ha ha – nope. On to part two of our Protagonist New-Type's "X-ventures". See what I did there?_

_Disclaimer: Xen Kenshin neither promotes nor suggests that you imagine various romantic or sexual situations between the various characters of this fandom and/or fanfiction. But if you choose to do so, it is of your own free will and takes place in your dirty, dirty, beautiful mind._

_Besides, I'm doing it FOR you, duh! I'm open to suggestions!_

**May or may not contain homosexuality, bestiality and tentacles... and three/four/five/six/twenty-somes. **

**A/N: This one definitely contains homosexuality. Well, IMPLIED homosexuality. And alcohol consumption.**

**Chapter Two – Brotherly Love and Beer**

X walked around the Den for a few minutes, trying to clear his head. He felt really bad about what he had did to Kanon, hormones or otherwise. Mutating oracle cells was no excuse for a lack of self-control. The worst part of it all was being forced to watch as you lost control of your body.

'(I wouldn't do anything like that to anyone.)' X thought to himself. '(And especially not Kanon – I never thought of her as sexually attractive.)' X stopped and placed to his chin. '(Have I?)' He thought about it, standing still for five minutes, replaying what occurred last night in his mind. With a grunt, he looked down and found his pants had become...constricting.

"Damn it, that doesn't count!" X snarled out loud.

"What doesn't count?" X jumped at Lindow's voice. "Oh, did I scare ya?"

"Amamiya, when the hell did you pop up?" X managed to maintain his monotone.

"I've been speaking to you for the past what, two minutes?" Lindow frowned. "And here I thought you were thinking about what I said."

X shook his head. "What did you say?"

"I was giving you advice on how to...keep your blade ready, for the next time you and Kanon-"

"How the hell did you hear about that already?!" X looked around, making sure they were alone.

"I read the last chapter." Lindow spoke casually.

"Oh." X wiped his brow. "Wait, wha-?"

"Anyhow, come with me Pri-" Lindow stopped, having had looked down by coincidence. "Geez, I'd say keep it in your pants, by that just looks painful."

X covered himself with his hands. "Shut it, Amamiya." X frowned as Lindow snickered.

"Whatever, it happens." Lindow gestured over his shoulder. "Let's head to my room."

"For what?" X asked suspiciously.

"Do you want everyone else to overhear-"

"Point taken, lead the way." X gestured with his head. Lindow nodded and the two walked towards the section elevator...

* * *

"So, that's how it happened, huh?" Lindow pulled a beer from his fridge.

"What?" X stammered. "You're completely quiet the whole walk over, and now you just say that randomly?" X then added "And you already knew what happened and how it happened...somehow..."

"You're right, that was a bad transition." Lindow scratched the back of his head. "It must be the author's fault." Lindow opened his can of beer – and found it empty. "Hit a guy where it hurts, why don't ya!" Lindow looked directly up and shouted at his ceiling.

"Lindow?" X asked cautiously.

"Never mind." Lindow grabbed another can of beer. He shook it to make sure it was full, then grabbed a second beer. He turned around and threw it to X. X looked at the yellow can then to Lindow. "If we're gonna talk like guys, we're gonna drink like guys."

X nodded, and opened the can. He waited until Lindow was sitting beside him and they tapped cans. "Bottoms up." X placed the can to his lips and drank.

"Remember," Lindow looked directly ahead at no one in particular. "Drinking irresponsibly isn't cool. Always drink in moderation and only if you're the legal drinking age of your state or province."

X let out a loud burp. "You said something?" Lindow shook his head and placed down the empty can. "That went down smooth."

"That was fast..." Lindow raised an eyebrow. "Right, you don't mind beer."

"Nope." X got up and helped himself to a six pack.

"You're not taking my beer rations."

"They were mine to begin with." X spoke firmly.

"...just leave me a few, will ya?" Lindow sighed. "So, Kanon. She's hot, right?"

"To someone, sure." X said with a shrug. "Never really thought of her that way."

"What about Licca?" Lindow asked, reclining his head back on the couch.

"She's not..." X opened another can and sipped from it. "Not pretty."

"That's horrible, X." Lindow took a huge gulp. "Don't let her hear you say that."

"Too late." X crunched the beer can in his hand.

"Geez, you're horrible at this." Lindow crushed his beer can as well. "Oh, what about Kinaia? What's his face likes her, doesn't he? Kota."

X shook his head. "Getting involved with her would make Kota jealous. I'm not dealing with that." X reached for a third can, but Lindow swiped it from just outside of his reach.

"Tut tut, don't out drink your superiors." Lindow chugged the beer in five seconds. "Ah. Still got it."

"Pfft." X picked up a third can. "I can beat you."

Lindow followed X. "Challenge accepted. Three, two, one..."

"Fifteen!" Lindow slammed his beer can down on the table, causing twenty something other cans to hit the floor. "I be...beat your...recording."

"It's record, not recording you...you...you...V, W, X..." X spoke back in a drunken slur.

"No, no, your name is X!" Lindow pointed to X. "My name is Lindow." He hiccuped. "At least, I think it is... Maybe I'm Kota."

"No...no...you're not Kota." X looked up at X, his eyes swimming in brew. "You're totally Sakuya."

"Saku...Sakuya?" Lindow grabbed at his chest. "Nope, not Sakuya!" He snickered. "Maybe I'm Gin-ahahahaha!" Lindow fell tot he floor, crushing a few of the cans. "She's so flat!"

X gave out a laugh that sounded like a motorboat starting up. "No, you're Sakuya." X made a face and then delivered the punch line. "You are what you eat."

Lindow stopped laughing and sat up. "I'm an Aragami?!" He reached around the room, looking like a child in a wading pool. "Where'd my God Arc go? Oh. OH!" He then snickered drunkenly. "I am what I eat – you're a clever one!" Lindow stood up, and wobbled a bit. X shot up to try and help his Leader, but ended up tripping over the table.

"X...X...Y...Z..." Lindow placed his palms on the table and looked X in the face. "Go home, X, you're drunk."

"I am not drink!" X spat back, using the wrong conjugation of the word. "I'm a little bee."

"Wha-wha?" Lindow let out a bubbling sound. "I'm drunk not dumb."

"I meant buzzed." X giggled stupidly. "Bzzz, bzzz." He then shot up and looked around. "Did you hear that? There's a bee in here."

"That was you!" Lindow laughed. X let out a gasp and then started laughing too. "Wait, speaking of bees, isn't Gina like an A-cup?"

"Maybe. I don't know – wait, she's a cup?" X leaned forward with a drunken smile and said "I thought she was a sniper!" Lindow broke into a hysterical giggle fit.

"N-no," He held his sides. "I mean- dude, X, I got an idea."

"What's up?" X picked up another beer can and held it to his mouth. Nothing came out, and he looked at it. "Your beer is broken."

"Shh," Lindow placed his finger over his heart instead of his mouth. "Shut up, I'm brilliant." He then made the straightest face he could "Listen... you should bang Kanon."

"What?" X went to sit down but ended up missing the couch and hit the floor. "Didn't I try that before?"

"No, look, what you do right, is – is." Lindow let out a low burp that sounded like he were retching. "Oh, I tasted that corn again... anyway, you gotta wrap a rubber band around your..."

"Don't say it!" X laughed "I'm laughing just thinking about the word p...ha ha ha!"

"Okay, okay..." Lindow then grinned. "Right when you think you can't go on...wrap a rubber band around your God Eater!"

"My God Eat- pf ft, that's so stupid!" X rolled around on the floor, his suit soaking up the small drips of beer.

"Whatever man, I'm frigging...I'm frigging smart." Lindow feel back and landed on his butt. "Man, I still say you should bang Kanon. She's got like...jugs almost as big as Sakuya's. Maybe bigger."

"How nice are Sakuya's jugs, Lindow?" X suddenly sounded like a child. He sat up in a meditative pose.

"Man, they are...fluffy." Lindow cupped his hands and squeezed the air with a gleeful smile on his face. "You wanna hear a story?" X nodded with a huge smile on his face. "Well, I can't remember the middle...or how it starts, but in the end, I grabbed them once." Lindow curled his fingers several times. "It was great."

"Lindow..." X stared at his Leader with a hopeful look in his eyes. "You and Sakuya have..."

"Hell yeah!" Lindow proclaimed proudly. "You should already know the answer to that. You room is right beneath mine."

"That's what that is?!" X gasped, leaning forward onto his elbows. "I always thought you two were building something!"

"Building...what?" Lindow fell into another bout of hysteric laughter. Somewhere in between his laughter he managed to choke out. "But trust me...I am hammering away!"

X completely missed the metaphor. "Wow...and I always heard her screaming 'Yes Lindow, Oh god Lindow yes!'...I thought she was just agreeing with you on the blueprints!"

Lindow, who was already sitting down, fell over in an echoing laugh. "You are so cute!" He held his sides. "Stop it, stop it, my sides..."

"And she was screaming over the hammer – wait!" X now stood up. "So all those times you said you were gonna nail things with Sakuya-"

"Sakuya was the thing I was gonna nail – ha ha ha!" Lindow began to cough. "Oh god, my lungs!"

"Wow." X sobered up really fast. "Woooooow." He then looked down at Lindow. "Wait, you just called me cute."

"Huh?" Lindow stopped laughing and grabbed another beer. He threw it to X and grabbed another for himself. "Did I?"

X crushed his already empty can of beer. "Yeah."

Lindow crushed his beer can as well. "Bull. You did not finish before me." Lindow then smiled. "Never mind, you always finish first!" He then began to laugh as X stood lost for a moment. His eyes the narrowed at Lindow but he said nothing.

"Aw, come on. I'm just jerking ya around." Lindow reassured X. "Whoa, bad term."

X raised an eyebrow. "Why is that a bad term?"

"Are you serious?" Lindow asked, drinking even more beer. "You're that drunk?"

"No," X pointed at Lindow accusingly. "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"

Lindow nodded. "You're right, I'm sorry I doubted your intelligence." Lindow sounded sincere – and drunk. "But you don't know what jerking..." Lindow then got really quiet.

"Lindow?" X tilted his head to get a better view of the two Lindows. "What's wrong, buddies?"

"I did call you cute, didn't I?" Lindow shivered. "That was weird."

"You..." X looked a bit downcast. "Don't think I'm cute?"

"What?" Lindow almost yelled. "That's not...I mean..."

"Oh, but if I were Sakuya you'd tell me I were cute, right?!"

"X, buddy, take it easy!"

"Oh, so now I'm easy?" X threw a beer can at Lindow. "You're so inconsiderate – whoa, that's not good."

"Your mood swing?" Lindow asked, trying to wipe the beer from his hair.

"No..." X covered his groin area. "Damned hormones."

"Aw, ew." Lindow then got an idea. "Look, go to the bathroom, right, and spend a few minutes in there...you know."

"Know what?" X asked.

"Y'know... handling yourself."

"I don't have to pee." shrugged. "What are you getting at?" X then narrowed his eyes. "And when the hell did you become so handsome?"

"It's not about having to pee, and I've always been this handsome." Lindow pointed at the door. "Whatcha wanna do is grip firmly, but not hard and – wait, handsome?" Lindow turned back and found X almost on top of him. Lindow fell back and stared up at X. They stared into one another eyes for a moment – then X fell forward face first...

* * *

"My head..." X groaned, rubbing his head. He then sniffed. "Why do I reek of beer?" He blinked a few times, but his vision was still dark. "What time is it?"

"I'unno," Lindow's voice made X's heart jump. "Check the clock or something." Why did Lindow sound like he was right in front of X, and why couldn't X see anything? Not to mention, his left arm had a weight that wasn't his own on it.

"Lindow?"

"What?"

"Where are we?"

"My room. Duh, Sakuya."

"Lindow..." X gulped, growing nervous.

"Hmm?" X felt something grope at his stomach.

"Listen _reaaaaaaaly _carefully to my voice and call me Sakuya again."

Lindow fell silent, but X felt something grab at his solar plexus. "Your voice sounds awfully craggy this morning..." Even as he spoke the words, Lindow felt a bit of uncertainty hovering in the air.

"Lindow..." X gulped. "It's X." X felt something grope at his pectoral muscle and give it a squeeze. "Damn, not the nipple ring!"

Lindow shot his head up – both he rand X let out a grunt. "Damn it rookie, why's your face in my hair?"

"Why's your hair in my face?" X could now see a bit, thanks to Lindow moving his head. "And why is your head on my left arm?!"

"Why the hell am I curled into your body?" Lindow's voice was alarmed. He reeled back a bit and looked up at X who was looking down at him.

"Where the hell are our pants?!" They both yelled, scrambling to get off of one another. Their tired and cramped bodies would not obey, and they only ended up tiring themselves out.

"Damn it, Lindow!" X complained. "This is all your fault!"

"How's this my fault?" Lindow yelled back.

"You're the one who invited me here!" X began remembering what may have been yesterday.

"Says you, Mr. Boner!" Lindow countered. "Aw, ew, you've got one now!"

X took a second to register what Lindow was talking about. "Lindow...that's my knee you're rubbing against."

"Oh." Lindow chuckled. "My bad."

"But why are you rubbing your finger against – that's not your finger!"

"God damn it" Lindow cursed out loud. "Morning wood!"

He tried to move again, but to no avail.

"Lindow, stop moving around so much!" X ordered.

"Don't tell me you're comfortable like this!" Lindow was still moving about.

"No, but if you keep moving, I'll catch one, too!" Lindow stopped moving abruptly. "And...in all honesty...I'm not _un_comfortable."

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two God Eaters.

"We tell no one." Lindow hissed, curling into a tight ball and resting his head on X's chest."

"Not a clue what you're talking about, Lindow." X managed to check his watch. "Although...it's five pm."

"So?" Lindow asked, finding himself getting sleepy.

"The others will no doubt come looking for us." X warned.

"Pfft." Lindow laughed. "The only person who'll be looking for me today is Sakuya. And while I'll give her credit, she wouldn't think to check my room at this time. She's too smart for her own good, sometimes."

"Oh really?" X pushed away from Lindow, and fell butt first off of the couch. Lindow pushed himself off of the cushions and flew over the back of the chair. He hit the wall with a thud and a groan. "This is quite the interesting position, isn't it?" Sakuya crossed her arms and looked at the two pants-less God Eaters.

"Oh, look at the time!" X checked his watch. "I have to run now – like fast!" X scrambled to his feet and was out of the door in two seconds. "Keep my pants!" His voice echoed down the hall. "There's some smelly white stuff on the front and back, anyway!"

Sakuya stared at Lindow who was now looking for his pants. "There's something sticky in your hair." Sakuya pointed to the strands of Lindow's hair that were clumped together.

"Beer." He spoke quickly.

"It...has a particular color." Sakuya spoke darkly.

Lindow reached up and touched his hair. He sniffed and looked at the residue. "Uh...white...beer?"

* * *

_And we'll end this chapter here! I had a ton of fun with this chapter, and I hope you did, too!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Don't Run Away - "Pair Them Anyway"**

_Don't know why I'm still doing this...Actually, yes I do: FUN!_

_Disclaimer: Xen Kenshin neither promotes nor suggests that you imagine various romantic or sexual situations between the various characters of this fandom and/or fanfiction. But if you choose to do so, it is of your own free will and takes place in your dirty, dirty, beautiful mind._

_Besides, I'm doing it FOR you, duh! I'm open to suggestions!_

**May or may not contain homosexuality, bestiality and tentacles... and three/four/five/six/twenty-somes. **

**A/N: This one involves a fetish. You should be able to figure it out pretty early...**

**Chapter 3 – One Work Out Leads To Another...**

X stepped out of his room, now fully clothed and eating an energy bar. "I'll do some reps, a bit of training, shower then go on a mission." He finished off his energy bar just as he reached the weight room. Inside, he met up with the God Eaters who worked out around this time of day and made small talk with them. After an hour or so, he headed off to the God Arc Storage Room, toweling off his forehead.

He walked in an looked around; a number of the God Arcs were missing, no doubt they were with their owners, slaying Aragami at this very second. X walked over to his God Arc, and with the permission from an engineer, retrieved his God Arc. He headed directly to the training facilities and spotted Alisa in the hallway ahead of him.

She most likely heard a second pair of footsteps echoing down the hall and looked over her shoulder. "Oh, hello, X." She greeted him. He gave her a wave, and she slowed down.

'(She doesn't have to wait for me...)' X thought. Alisa's expression was unreadable as he approached.

"Off to do solo training, no doubt?" Alisa's assumption was correct, and she most likely knew that. X simply nodded, and continued walking past Alisa. "Perhaps you and I can train together, instead?" X, just a step away from Alisa, stopped.

"Why?" X asked. His monotone came off a bit harsh, but he did not retract his statement.

Alisa seemed to have been anticipating such a response. "Tsubaki ordered me to focus more on working with others." She huffed, visibly annoyed by the idea. "Everyone else on the First Unit is gone today, except for Lindow who says he's in too much pain to do anything aside from 'work the beer out of his system'."

X managed to keep a shudder under control as memories of the prior night with Lindow rushed back into his head. He had remembered more and more as the day went on, and by now, X sorely wished that the memories stayed suppressed. "Speaking of sore..." X grumbled, rubbing his backside.

"What was that?" Alisa asked, watching X with a raised eyebrow.

"I said 'yeah, sure.' Let's go." X turned around and headed towards the nearest training room. He got in touch with a technician who set the room on a moderate difficulty, and designed the session around a two on two battle.

"How do two Kongous sound?" X asked Alisa's input. She nodded with a confident look on her face, and she and X walked into the center of the hexagon shaped room. Alisa sniffed a bit, then turned her nose up at X.

"You smell like must." She pulled no punches.

"I came from the weight room." X explained.

"That's no excuse for poor hygiene." Alisa sounded disgusted.

"I was going to train alone, then shower afterward." X did not allow himself to get upset.

"Your stench is going to be a distraction." Alisa shifted her God Arc to gun form and watched the metallic substance mold into the form of a Kongou.

"Funny," X quipped back. "I was going to tell you the same thing." Alisa let out a gasp and sniffed under her arm.

"Women sweat more than men do!" She sniffed her other armpit. "Besides, I ran out of deodorant yesterday. It's not my fault that this base takes so long to restock the most basic supplies..."

"Yeah, sure..." X sounded sarcastic. "Blame the Den for your poor hygiene." He watched as the Kongou in front of him beat its chest. He and Alisa pressed their backs together, as per their training dictated.

"It _is _their fault," Alisa began firing at the Kongou. "If you're going to have a bunch of teenagers doing nothing but physical work, then the least you can do is accommodate the-"

"Heads up!" X spun around, grabbing Alisa by the waist, and jumped out of the way. His Kongou barreled past them, curled into a neat ball, and collided with Alisa's Kongou.

X looked up at the Kongous; they were roaring at one another as though they were arguing. "Huh...they even programmed the behaviors pretty well." He then looked down at Alisa. Her face was buried in his arm pit, and her red hat was on the floor. Alisa pried herself out from under X, coughing and gagging.

"I don't smell that bad..." X grit his teeth. He picked up her hat and gave it to her.

"I couldn't breathe!" Alisa complained, taking her hat back. "You don't need to grip me so tightly."

"You're welcome, by the way." X muttered, shifting his God Arc to gun form. He began blasting at the nearest Kongou. Alisa let out an irritated noise and spoke a word in Russian.

"If you had just shot at it from the beginning..." Alisa's voice was drowned out by gun fire as she, too, opened fire on the nearest Kongou...

_**Page Break**_

"Well, that could have gone better..." X's breath was haggard. His God Arc was in blade form and over his shoulder. He was doubled over, trying to catch his breath after the intense battle.

"It would have..." Alisa was sitting on the floor, also trying to catch her breath. "If you weren't so busy trying to perform an eat combo."

"Says the girl who..." X gulped in air. "Kept screaming for Team Bullets."

"Because _someone _kept screaming for cover fire..." Alisa shot back.

"Because _you _weren't providing any!" X shook his fist at her.

"There were two targets!" Alisa snapped. "And don't you shake your fist at me!"

"I'll shake whatever I want at whoever I want!" X then sighed. "I don't have the energy for this. I'm going to take a shower." He looked around the room. "That bastard Kongou ate my coat. Did the techies really have to program a false Bias factor into the synthetic Aragami?" X grumbled and left the room. Alisa let out a huff.

"He didn't even say goodbye. How rude." Alisa got up and dusted herself off. "Some people have absolutely no-" She stopped when she noticed the Kongou X had been fighting last twitch. She readied her God Arc and waited for it to move again. She then realized it was just the synthetic matter decomposing and getting recycled.

Alisa let out a sigh of relief, then noticed something black lying on the floor. She walked over to it, and poked at it with her God Arc. "It's X's jacket..." She picked it up, and immediately held it at arms length. "Ew, it reeks of sweat!"

"Is everything alright?" The techie's voice came from over the loud speaker. Alisa turned around to face the glass about four stories up from her position and held the jacket up.

"Can you inform Private X07 that I've found his jacket? I'll take it to the wash for him, but he has to pick it up himself."

"Understood!" The techie then chirped. "Good work today. The doors are already open when you're... ready to leave."

Alisa was out of the door before the techie said 'good work'.

"Honestly," Alisa dropped off her God Arc. "How can one person make such a powerful stench? It smells like..." She stopped and sniffed the jacket. "Beer." She then remembered what Lindow had told her earlier today. "Was X drinking with Lindow last night?" She recalled that the two of them had some sort of agreement when it came to beer rations. "How could anyone drink something that smells so..."

Alisa, who was walking towards the lower levels of the Den, stopped and sniffed X's jacket again. "That's odd..." She remarked to herself. "It...doesn't smell bad anymore." She then shuddered. "Don't tell me I've grown accustomed to such a terrible odor!" She then made haste to the lower level where most of the laundry was done. She stopped in front of the laundromat attendant and cleared her throat.

"I have something-" She stopped, catching a whiff of X's jacket again. The female attendant turned around and saw Alisa.

"You need me to clean that for you?" She asked, holding her hand towards the jacket. She pulled her hand back when Alisa hugged the jacket to her chest and shook her head vehemently.

"Never mind!" Alisa did a one-eighty and took off towards the elevator. The attendant starred after Alisa with a vacant look, but shrugged it off.

"Kids..."

_**Page Break**_

"She had better not have dropped it off, yet." X complained as he tapped his foot impatiently on the elevator floor. He had dropped off his God Arc and headed towards his room when he got a message from the techie who oversaw their training session. The techie said that Alisa was at the lower laundromat, but X had went there twice and Alisa wasn't there. It was on his third visit when an attendant said Alisa was there earlier, but didn't drop off his jacket. He searched all over the base for her, but could not find her.

"I still haven't taken a shower," X, who had his arms crossed took a whiff of his under arms. "Okay... _now _I smell bad." The elevator dinged, and X stepped off on his room floor. "I'll just go take a shower, and grab another Sniper Suit." He then let out a grumble. "That jacket had my last energy bar in it, too..." X placed his hand on the panel to his door, but stopped.

He looked over his shoulder. "Did someone call me?" The hallway was empty, aside from him. "I could have sworn I heard-"

"X..." X removed his hand from the panel that controlled his room door and turned around. Now he was sure he had heard his name called. He took a few steps down the hall, and kept an ear out. It was then he heard heavy panting coming from Alisa's room.

"Alisa?" He whispered, putting his ear to her door. He could hear her panting and moaning off and on. "Is she sick?" X then shot that idea down. "We just fought together and she looked fine." Alisa's voice spiked into a high pitched moan, causing X to flinch.

"Is she hurt?" X was confused; why was she making those noises? "She doesn't sound hurt." He rationalized to himself. "If anything...she sounds like she's in pleasure, not pain..." X suddenly felt lightheaded. As he stood there, listening to Alisa's moaning, he felt the urge starting to return.

"Damn it..." He complained, feeling his pants become a hindrance. He felt his legs wobble, so he put his hand on the wall to steady himself. But instead of touching the wall, he hit the open button on the panel that controlled Alisa's door. The door whooshed open, startling the Private. His body flinched, and he ended up taking a step forward.

Alisa let out a gasp and sat up on her bed as X stepped into her room. "X?!" X shook his head to clear his clouded vision and inhaled deeply to help calm himself. He then sniffed the air; it was oddly warm in Alisa's room, and there was...something in the air.

"X!" Alisa's tone went from shocked to enraged. "Get out, get out!" X looked around the room, sniffing. What was that smell, and why did it make his urge stronger? His eyes fell on Alisa and his mouth dropped open. Alisa's hat was gone, and so was a majority of her clothes. She wore only her black stockings and X's jacket was covering her naked form. X couldn't help but notice that one of her hands were between her legs, holding the cuff on his jacket.

"What the hell did I walk in on?!" X sounded mortified.

"I said get out!" Alisa yelled again, trying to cover herself with his jacket. X wanted to comply with Alisa's order, but his legs wouldn't move. But another lower extremity of his _did _move in anticipation. Alisa let out a gasp. "What – you were listening the entire time?!"

X looked down and cursed his rotten luck. "Alisa, wait, this is normal!" He mentally slapped himself at his word choice.

"That is not normal!" Alisa shouted back. "That...that's _huge_!" She then turned red in the face and sputtered. "I mean gross!"

X felt his mind go blank. '(It's happening again...)' X turned around and closed Alisa's door.

"You're supposed to be on the other side of the door!" Alisa was trying to gather her sheets around her body.

"Oh," X's voice was seductive. "I'm sure I'm right where I need to be."

"X..." Alisa now sounded worried. "Your voice..." She watched as he made his way to her bed. He stopped in front of her with an odd smile on his face, and his platinum blue eyes held a sinister shine. Alisa sank deeper into her bed, "X...what are you..."

X began to unbuckle his belt. "So..." His eyes fell on his jacket. "Having fun by yourself?" Alisa stared down at the jacket arm between her legs. She tucked her legs beneath herself and looked away from X, becoming even redder.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Alisa looked back when she heard the metal of X's belt hit the floor. She gasped as X slipped his legs out of his pants and began unbuttoning his shirt. "Why are you stripping off your clothes?!"

"It wouldn't be fair if you were the only one naked." X spoke with a chuckle. His chuckle became a laugh when Alisa tried to cover her self up more. He gripped the bed sheet and pulled at it violently. Alisa yelped as her body became like a rag doll. She heard her bed squeak and felt X's weight over her. She looked up at his grin, then at his hands as he held her wrists down to the bed. She heard his Sniper Coat hit the floor and allwas silent for just a second.

"X!" She shouted. She gasped – and smelled his natural, musty scent. "Oh god, you still stink." Her words may have been a complaint, but her voice sounded...pleased.

X sniffed the air, and then his white shirt. His grin became even larger. "Oh," He leaned forward so that his and Alisa's noses were touching and they were staring into each others eyes. "So, you like the smell of my sweat."

"The smell of sweat?" Alisa went from pink to red. "That's disgusting-" X pressed his body against hers. A small moan escaped her throat. "Get...off of me..."

"What?" X asked, rubbing his face on hers. "You can handle the scent off of my jacket, but it's too strong when it comes from the source?"

Alisa shook her head. "That's not..."

"Then why are you trying to hold your breath?" X taunted, moving a hand from her wrist to her stomach. He pressed down gently, and she let out a heavy breath.

"Damn it!" Her body forced her to inhale oxygen, and with it, the smell of X. She felt her heart rate pick up, and her core become warmer. "I do not have a sweat fetish..." Alisa resisted.

"Who said anything about a fetish?" X chuckled and trailed his fingers up and down her stomach. "I never used those words." His fingers went further up her stomach, then followed her curves to her underarm. Alisa shivered from the contrast in their body temperatures.

"Stop it..." Alisa's moan made it hard to tell if she really meant it.

"What if I," X licked Alisa's neck. She bit her lower lip to resist a moan, but her body convulsed. "Also can't control myself around your smell?" X moved his tongue from her neck to her shoulder, rolling Alisa onto her side.

"Where are you..." Alisa caught her breath. "Don't lick under my arm!" She began to fidget, but X held her body down with one hand, and her arms up with the other. "It tickles and feels weird at the same time!" X rolled Alisa onto her back and stared at her bosom.

"Then I'll just see if this tastes like bubblegum." X opened his mouth, and Alisa watched as X captured her in his mouth.

"That line was terrible..." Alisa found herself gripping X's shoulders when she felt a sharp pain in her chest. "Don't bite that!"

"I'm mot mormy." X spoke with his mouth full. He made a loud suction noise before releasing Alisa and speaking again. "I'm not sorry." He repeated before placing his head on her chest.

"...ah...stop..." Alisa cooed as X made his way down her torso.

"What was that?" X asked, picking his head up.

"I said..." Alisa paused for a second, her chest heaving as she breathed. X saw Alisa's expression change. "I said don't stop." Alisa placed her hand on the back of X's head and urged him onward.

"Roger that." X spoke enthusiastically before continuing his decent...

_**Page Break**_

X awoke with a bit of a snort. "What the hell?" He opened his eyes rubbed his tongue against his teeth. "Is that hair on my tongue?" His eyes adjusted to the dark, and he saw a mess of white hair in front of him. "What on Earth?"

Like a tidal wave, the events of what may have been last night came down on his mind.

He sat up swiftly, but carefully as to not awake the person beside him. He looked at the person with a fearful look on his face which only grew darker as he confirmed it was Alisa. He felt his body lose strength and he laid back down.

"What have I done..." He stared at the dark ceiling for a while, before lifting the bed covers and staring down at his sleeping member. "What have _you _done?!" He hissed low enough so that he didn't wake up Alisa. He lowered the covers and looked around the dark room. "Where are my clothes?" X stopped; '(If I vanish now, I'll seem like a total pig... But explaining this won't be easy.)'

X then recounted the events in his mind. '(I remember everything, but unlike that time with Kanon, I didn't regain control of myself during...)' He then remembered what happened with Lindow. '(Is the alcohol still affecting me? No, it can't be...)' X turned to Alisa when she moved. She placed her hand across his chest and moved close to him. He could see a smile appear on her face as she made herself comfortable.

'(And I don't remember going soft this time...)' X shifted his hand beneath the covers. '(And there's no rubber band...)' X's eyes widened. '(The hormonal mutation must be getting worse!)' X gasped when her felt a hand on top of his, and atop his-

"Oh no..." Alisa whispered. "That...wasn't a dream..." She moved around a bit until she was looking at X. "You...we...I..." Alisa turned red but her expression was petrified. "That was my...You took my...I'm no longer a..."

"Alisa, wait," X began. "I..." X stammered, at a loss. "I...we..." His mind was blank; all of the training in the world couldn't prepare him for this. Gradually, the weight of the situation dawned on him. "We..."

Alisa inhaled sharply as X's eyes fluttered and he passed out.

_And that's the end of that chapter! X's life isn't even easy outside of canon... Poor guy._

_Hey guys, hopefully a lot of you are reading this. Go visit my profile page and vote on the poll! I updated this chapter to give ya something to do during my hiatus as well as draw your attention to my poll. I'll officially announce it when I make my proper return, but feel free to spread the word!_


End file.
